A Sense Of Loss
by LE McMurray
Summary: Sam reflects.


Author's Notes:- Thanks to Stonedtoad for betaing.

This is set after The Lost City Part 2.

I thought of this and had to write it down, it's unusual for me as its Sam's point of view and I'm not great at her.

All comments are welcome and enjoy.

* * *

I feel numb.

That's the only way I can describe it. I can't even remember how I got back here but somehow we went from freezing cold ice-cavern to the semi warmth of the SGC. Well three quarters of us did.

We left Jack frozen. Daniel hasn't said a word since he told us what Jack's last words to us were. Teal'c is being well Teal'c and just kept both of us moving and now I'm sitting in my lab trying to make sense of this.

x

I know there are rumours around this place that we were…in love, or something like that but they obviously didn't know Jack O'Neill very well.

Yes we flirted but he flirted with anything in a skirt. From Janet to the girl who served him at his favourite burger bar. I always laughed when I remembered the time Janet decided to scare the life out of him and pretend to take it seriously. However that memory now makes me want to cry.

Both of them are gone now.

x

Janet wasn't supposed to die out there. She was supposed to be here to put us back together again but she died doing what she lived to do, save people.

Daniel was barely getting over that and now he has to grieve for one more of his ever dwindling loved ones. I really should check up on him, he gets his memory back and pretty much has to grieve again for all the people he remembered and loved plus a few more.

That was another rumour I heard recently that Janet and Daniel were a couple, aren't rumour mills fabulous. I know they spent a lot of time together; Janet adored Daniel like he was her younger brother and at one point in time she was the only person who seemed to believe him about Sha're sending him a message before she died. I can't help but frown as I remember the rollicking Janet gave us about not supporting Daniel at a time where we should have been there for him most.

Last year without our boy genius around was hell, no offence to Jonas I came to care a lot about him but Daniel…Daniel was, is my brother and I love him more than I can possibly say.

x

Daniel and Jack's relationship was always something that amazed me. They knew what the other was thinking and could have a full conversation saying only each other's name. Daniel looked to Jack for support and whenever he was hurting to fix it. And the strangest thing of all was that almost always Jack could.

Except for Sha're.

I was with Jack while we waited for Daniel to wake up after her death. Teal'c was in deep Kel-no-reem trying to recover from his part in her loss. I don't know if anyone else ever really understood what her death did to Jack. We all knew when Sha're died we almost lost Daniel to his grief but Jack cared a great deal for the young woman too and he was devastated by her loss.

She was Skaara's sister but Jack had also spent some time with her when we were on Abydos before we ate that night. She'd managed within that one short conversation to automatically be part of the list of Jack's protected.

I only knew her briefly and most of what I know came through Daniel's occasional morphine induced talks on her, but I loved her as part of our family too. If things had been different the poor soul wouldn't have known what hit her.

x

Sighing I try to decide if I should go see Teal'c. He's my comfort zone, not that you'd know it but he will listen to me, let me yell at him and then just hug me till I feel better. Last year when Jack was lost with Maybourne I know I lost it but all of a sudden there was Teal'c lending me a little of his strength. I think Teal'c's taking this better than either me or Daniel or he's better at hiding it.

He'll probably go see Rya'c soon when Bra'tac leaves. Bra'tac was stoic when we told him saying only that Jack had done what he always did, protect us. I sat with Teal'c during the ride home while Daniel sat away from us. He's distancing himself but between us Teal'c and I will pull him back.

x

As I started to go check up on my guys I saw the packet of photos from the barbecue Jack had just after Sarah was rescued from the Goa'uld. Pete had been invited, though I'm sure it was only so Jack could torture me, the man had no shame. He, Daniel and Teal'c all decided to have the brotherly talk with my boyfriend. When I challenged him about it Jack just gave me this innocent look and told me since Dad wasn't there it was his prerogative as team leader. I stared at him open-mouthed as he strolled away. Jack liked Pete, he liked that he could beat him at pool.

x

This just doesn't seem right but no matter what I do or say or think its reality. General Hammond is no longer in charge and SG1 has lost its leader but that won't stop us. We defeated Anubis, the world is safe and three members of SG1 are left ready to take on whatever comes next.

Whatever comes next had better look out.


End file.
